What is the loneliness economy?

Apr 16, 2024

The loneliness economy is the industry and marketplace of products and services addressing loneliness and social isolation. Hugo Amsellem wrote a breakdown of the major players, categorized into the “six core institutions that traditionally provided us with a sense of belonging”:

Religion
Family
Neighborhood
Friends
Couple
Work

Across the outlined categories, Amsellem connects the dots between society and technology. It’s chock-full of gems and great insights, I highly recommend reading the full article.

My main discovery:

Society has evolved. We used to live in a world where we were born into communities meant to support us in exchange for some of our autonomy and independence. Now we’re “born as individuals, free to find our community” (at least in the global west).

“We’re as happy as the quality of the relationships we have with the people closest to us, and these relationships mainly deepen in-person.”

Hugo Amsellem

💯 on the above

Disease v. Symptom

Loneliness is both a disease and a symptom.

The 2020 COVID pandemic prompted a lot of people to rethink their lives and the way they spend their time, myself included. In France, we applauded healthcare workers every day at 8pm sharp. We gave parents working from home with kids more grace, we welcomed pets and family members on Zoom/Teams calls, we checked in on each other, we smiled at our neighbors, and we were generally more empathetic and in shock to be living through a collective pause on life as we’d known it.

These were some of the most peaceful days I can remember in recent times.

For some people, the pandemic era represented loneliness and isolation, as they were cut off from their sources of social interaction and connectedness found through school, work, or third places like the gym. Even darker, the most vulnerable were left without social services and the welfare checks these places provide. Some didn’t get to celebrate new life or lay their loved ones to rest.

For others, the pandemic introduced new freedoms or a wake-up call to the realization that their daily routine was pretty much “métro, boulot, dodo” — as the French say (subway, work, sleep) and/or involved minimal genuine human connection.

Well before the pandemic in 2009, John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick authored Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, which explains the effect of loneliness on human behavior, health, and society. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, declared loneliness a public health issue by way of his report Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.

These are interesting pieces of literature that give us terminology and statistics to understand the effect and measure the impact loneliness can have on our mental health. They present solutions and the benefits of adopting said solutions.

They don’t necessarily dive deep into the why…

I would be curious to see data mapping the collective change in lifestyle, dreams, and ambitions of generations over time across the world.

The 1950s “American dream” was a nuclear family lifestyle. Two kids, a dog, a good job with a pension, a nice home, a Florida retirement on the horizon, and grandchildren.

The 2024 “American dream” appears to be living debt-free, working as a digital nomad, collecting experiences, amassing passive income, and pets as replacement children.

If one were to interrogate the root causes of loneliness, I think it would be safe to start with capitalism as well as societal values and influence.

There’s no denying that loneliness is a disease and it’s surprisingly common, but it’s also a side effect or symptom of our modern lifestyles.

Loneliness-industrial complex

Technology tries to help but sometimes makes things worse because of limited regulation. Convenience can be harmful.

Any “industrial complex” is an interconnected system that confounds the problem with the solution. In this case, the problem is loneliness, the solution is connection, and the interconnected systems are technology.

Yes, technology can help us connect and belong and create amazingly meaningful experiences.

Video calling has been revolutionary for the deaf community and “digital democracy” has amplified the voice of millions since the Arab Spring in the early 2010s.

BUT the necessary regulation is not there. The promise and benefits of technological solutions somehow always lead down a path of no return. What can be used for good can be used for evil and to manipulate… to win elections with misinformation and deep fakes, to prey on children with AI, to customize your version of reality and disconnect from society… the list goes on.

We’ve all seen Black Mirror by now.

The convenience that technology provides also isn’t always the ideal option. It can make us lazy and dumb and socially isolated.

Maybe you should walk to the grocery store or your favorite restaurant for dinner instead of ordering. Maybe you should ask your friend to pick you up from the airport instead of a ride share. Maybe you should just sit on a bench and people-watch instead of doom-scrolling when you’re bored. CALL DON’T TEXT (lol just kidding, please never call me).

I’m cautiously optimistic about a lot of things and downright terrified by others.

Dating / Relationships / Loneliness

Beat loneliness by centering yourself and attracting the people you want in your life. Take risks every once in a while.

I’ve observed in my own circle of friends a sheer exasperation with dating and trying to find life partners… to the point where people are just giving up.

There are a lot of choices.

A lot of opinions and unqualified experts.

A lot of people and things to compare yourself to.

And a lot of generational milestones leave people feeling like they “aren’t where they should be”.

I think we should recenter ourselves instead of other people in our pursuits to find love and romantic relationships.

I grew up participating in a lot of school activities and clubs but with few genuine passions and hobbies. It has been so fun to discover new things I enjoy as an adult and it’s pretty rewarding. (I’ll do anything remotely interesting at least once.)

You can find other people while doing things you enjoy and maybe that’ll result in a meaningful connection or relationship. Even doing things I don’t like every once in a while has been fruitful.

How to find a relationship in the age of loneliness?

Invest in yourself, get to know yourself, be as authentic as possible
Do things you’re passionate about and hopefully, you’ll attract the people you’re meant to find

One more thing

I’ll aim to share relevant and interesting content I come across in my exploration. Moon shares social commentary on YouTube and they dissect the Loneliness Economy from social media and city living to the impact on men in the dating market. Worth the watch.

The Loneliness Economy newsletter 🌻

Thanks for reading! It’s a fun practice for me to write and gather my constantly swirling thoughts. Share with a friend if you’ve found my words interesting or helpful. Comment below if you have anything to add.